1、鴕鳥的幸福，只是一堆沙子。

Ostrich happiness is just a pile of sand.

2、念了十幾年書，想起來還是幼兒園比較好混！

Read more than ten years of books, or kindergarten is better mix!

3、洗臉的時候發現原來我嘴巴很小，也是櫻桃小口嘛。

When I wash my face, it turns out that my mouth is very small, and it is also a small mouth of cherry.

4、如果有一天姐變的很瘋狂，請告訴別人，姐淑女過。

If one day, sister becomes crazy, please tell others, ladies and gentlemen too.

5、每個人出生的時候都是原創，可悲的是，很多人漸漸都成了盜版！

Everyone is born at the time of originality, sadly, a lot of people gradually become pirated!

6、牛糞終歸是牛糞，上鍋蒸了也不會變成香餑餑。

It is cow dung, steam will not become xiangbobo.

7、我知道你就是我今生要等的人，所以我要用我的今生來愛你！

I know that you are the person I want to wait for, so I will love you with my life!

8、曾以為我是那崖畔的一枝花，后來才知道，不過是人海一粒渣。

I thought I was a flower on the Bank of the cliff, and then I realized that it was just a piece of slag.

9、我費勁千辛萬苦爬上梯子的頂端，卻發現梯子搭錯了墻頭。

Our strenuous journey to climb the top of the ladder, but found the ladder against the wrong wall.

10、有時候，不是對方不在乎你，而是你把對方看的太重。

Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but you look at the other side too much.

11、結婚就是給自由穿件棉衣，活動起來不方便，但會很溫暖。

Marriage means wearing a cotton padded dress for free. It is not convenient, but it will be very warm.

12、每一個不想談戀愛的人，心里都住著一個不可能的人！

Every person who doesn't want to fall in love lives in an impossible person!

13、我們的目標：向錢看，向厚賺。

Our goal: money, to make thick.

14、如果是真的，我想再多看你幾眼，我怕我以后會忘了你。

If it is true, I want to see you a few more, I'm afraid I'll forget you later.

15、你等著吧，總有一天我會讓你成為我未來兒子的媽媽！

You wait, and someday I'll make you my future son's mother!

16、在職場中就應該像柯南那樣，有一種我走到哪就讓別人死到哪的霸氣。

In the workplace should be like Conan, there is a kind of where I go, let others die where the domineering.

17、你丫頭頂高壓鍋蓋，身批破衣麻袋，自稱東方不敗，其實心里變態。

You top Pssure cooker, new clothes bag, claiming Invincible Eastern, in fact heart metamorphosis.

18、我擦，手機看新聞看多了，看報紙還想雙擊把圖片放大！

I wipe my cell phone, watch the news, see the newspaper, also want to double-click to enlarge the picture!

19、能夠說出的委屈，便不算委屈；能夠搶走的愛人，便不算愛人。

The grievances that can be uttered are not considered to be wronged; the lovers who can take them are not lovers.

20、執子之手，將子拖走。子說不走，好吧，關門放狗！

Hold the hand of the child and drag the child away. The son said no, okay, close the dog!

21、貨有過期日，人有看膩時。你在我心里，能牛逼幾時。

Goods have expired days, people are tired of watching. When you're in my heart, how long can you make it.

22、女人喜歡長得壞壞的男人，不是喜歡長壞了的男人。

Women like men who grow bad, not like men who have long been broken.

23、單身并不難，難的是應付那些千方百計想讓你結束單身的人。

It's not hard to be single, but it's hard to deal with people who want you to end up single.

24、我以神的姿態，閃耀在這美的瞬間，凡人勿擾。

I in God's attitude, shine in this beautiful moment, man not faze.

25、人生不能像做菜、把所有的料都準備好才下鍋。

Life can't be cooked like cooking, getting everything ready.

26、小時候有個夢想，就是長大后能變大帥哥，現在我實現了。

When I was a kid, I had a dream that I could grow up and be handsome, and now I did.

27、有A人活著，他已經死了；有的人活著，他早該死了。

A is alive, he's dead; some people are alive, he's dead.

28、學習成長的機會不在未來，而在每一個活著的當下。

The opportunities for learning and growth are not in the future, but in every living Psent.

29、人生重要的不是所站的位置，而是所朝的方向。

The important thing in life is not the station, but the direction.

30、不是人人都能活的低調，可以低調的基礎是隨時都能高調。

Not everyone can live low-key, low-key basis is always high profile.

31、別害怕，我一直站在你的身后，總在你呼喚時守在你左右。

Don't be afraid, I'm standing behind you, always standing by you when you call.

32、要努力！為了你的奧迪我的迪奧。

Try hard! For your Audi, my Dior.

33、有些失望是無可避免的，但大部分的失望，都是因為你高估了自己。

Some disappointment is inevitable, but most of the disappointment is because you overestimate yourself.

34、上了年紀最大的好處就是：年輕時得不到的東西，現在你不想要了。

The biggest advantage of being older is what you don't get when you are young, and now you don't want it.

35、女子無才便是德，我一定是太缺德了。

Germany is the only woman, I must be too wicked.

36、沒有醫保和壽險的，天黑后不要見義勇為。

Without medical insurance and life insurance, don't be courageous after dark.

37、你攢夠四塊五，我也攢夠四塊五，我們就可以去民政局結婚了。

You saved four of the five, I also saved four of the five, we can go to the Civil Affairs Bureau of marriage.

38、連眼淚都沒處流的人，才是人間最痛苦的人。

Even the tears have no flow of people, is the world's most painful person.

39、作為一個怪獸，我的愿望是至少消滅一個奧特曼。

As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Altman.

40、我真的不愿意用腳趾頭鄙視你。但是，是你逼我這么做的！

I really don't want to despise you with my toes. But you forced me to do that!

41、探索的旅程不在于發現新大陸，而在于培養新視角。

The journey of exploration is not to discover new continents, but to cultivate new perspectives.

42、想編織未來的美夢，現在正是時候，掌握現在，擁有一切，擁有生命。

Want to weave the future dream, now is the time, master now, have everything, have life.

43、今天無意間翻出了我初中的試卷，我擦，原來我以前還會這么多東西啊！

Today, I accidentally dug out my junior high school paper, I wipe, I used to be so many things!

44、當你做對的時候，沒有人會記得；當你做錯的時候，連呼吸都是錯！

When you do the right, no one will remember; when you do something wrong, even breathing is wrong!

45、思念不能自已，痛苦不能自理，結果不能自取，幸福不能自予。

Miss lose self-control, pain can not take care of themselves, the results can not himself, not to the happiness.

46、有些女人穿絲襪，顯得身材好。還有一些女人穿絲襪，顯得絲襪質量好。

Some women wear silk stockings and look good. Some women wear silk stockings, which show good quality of stockings.

47、我以為我很頹廢，今天我才知道，原來我早報廢了。

I thought I was decadent, and today I realized that I had lost my morning paper.

48、我在樓道撿到了一張一半的一百塊，我一直在尋找它的另一半。

I picked up a half of the one hundred block in the corridor, and I was looking for the other half.

49、少年不胡作妄為，大膽放肆，試問老年時哪來的題材話當年。

The young do not Hu, audacity, ask old age in which subjects words.

50、不要再折磨我，我的心已被割破，流盡的不是血，是愛你的錯。

Don't torment me, my heart has been cut, not the blood stream, loving you is wrong.

51、我那么喜歡你，你喜歡我一下會死啊。

I like you so much, you like me, I'll die.

52、我不是天橋上算命的，嘮不出那么多你愛聽的磕。

I'm not overpass fortune telling, Lao not so much you to hear the knock.

53、手拿菜刀砍電線，一路火花帶閃電。

Cut the wire with a kitchen knife, with sparks all the way.

54、蝴蝶計算的，不是月份，而是瞬間，蝴蝶擁有足夠的時間。

The butterfly calculates not the month, but the moment, and the butterfly has enough time.

55、請不要把我對你的容忍，當成你不要臉的資本。

Please do not put my tolerance to you, as your shameless capital.

56、年輕的時候，我們常常沖著鏡子做鬼臉；年老的時候，鏡子算是扯了。

When young, we often make a face in the mirror; when you are old, the mirror is even.

57、信念這玩意不是說出來的，是做出來的。光榮在于淡，艱巨在于漫長。

Faith is not something that says, it's made. Glory lies in the plain, the arduous lies in the long.

58、發現有個男的在偷瞄你時，裝逼模式啟動，后來發現想多了。

Found a man stealing you, loaded mode start, and later found that more thought.

59、人和豬的區別就是：豬一直是豬，而人有時卻不是人！

The difference between a man and a pig is that a pig has always been a pig, and sometimes a man is not a human!

60、鐵杵能磨成針，但木杵只能磨成牙簽，材料不對，再努力也沒用。

Iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but the wooden pestle can be ground into a toothpick, not material, then it was no use trying to.

61、樹愈靜而風不止，我愈戀而他不在。

The more calm the tree is, the more the wind blows, and the more I love him, and he is not there.

62、生活就像宋祖德的嘴，你永遠都不知道下一個倒霉的會是誰。

Life is like Song Zude's mouth, you never know who's going to be the next one.

63、我心眼兒有些小，但是不缺；我脾氣很好，但不是沒有！

My heart is small, but it's not lacking; I have a good temper, but not without it!

64、原來只要是分開了的人，不論原來多么熟悉，也會慢慢變得疏遠。

Originally, as long as the separated people, no matter how familiar with the original, will gradually become estranged.

65、喝藥遞瓶，上吊給繩，跳樓的揮著小手絹送行。

Take medicine, pass the bottle, hang it to the rope, jump off the small handkerchief and see off.

66、情斷了，綁不住，試著放手，走與不走，留與不留，我不想懂。

Love is broken, tied, try to let go, walk and not go, stay and not stay, I don't want to understand.

67、你若先走了，轉身時就不要怪我也背對著你。

If you go first, don't blame me and turn back to you when you turn around.

68、我曾經跟一個人無數次擦肩而過，衣服都擦破了，也沒擦出火花。

I have numerous times with a pass, scrape all the clothes, did not see the sparks.

69、人又不聰明，還學別人禿頂。

People are not smart, but also learn bald.

70、諸葛亮出山前也沒帶過兵啊，你們憑啥要我有工作經驗。

Zhu Geliang didn't take out before the soldier ah, you work with what I have experienced.

71、我也曾有過一雙翅膀，不過我沒用它在天上翱翔，而是放在鍋里燉湯。

I also had a pair of wings, but I can't use it in the sky, but let it stew in the pot.

72、干柴遇烈火，那叫明騷；濕柴遇小火苗，那才是悶騷。

The firewood to meet fire, called Ming Sao; wet firewood in small flame, that is mensao.

73、每次稱體重的時候，輕了就說，瘦了。重了就說，胸部又大了。

Every time you weigh your body, you lose weight, and you lose weight. Heavy, and the chest is big again.

74、愛情是毒藥，糖衣太美妙，淺嘗了即止就好，喝下了把命都送掉。

Love is poison, sugar is too wonderful, the taste is good, drank his life away.

75、人生沒有彩排，每天都是直播；不僅收視率低，而且工資也不高。

There is no dress rehearsal, every day is live broadcast; not only the ratings are low, and wages are not high.

76、鐵公雞還會留點鐵銹呢，你根本就是個不銹鋼公雞！

Miser will leave some rust, you're a stainless steel cock!

77、幸福是什么幸福就是你吃魚，我吃肉，看著別人啃骨頭。

Happiness is what happiness is when you eat fish, I eat meat, watching other people gnaw bones.

78、老板用你的時候你就是人才，不用你的時候就變成裁人！

When the boss uses you, you are the talent, when you do not become a cut person!

79、如果你注定不能給予我期待的回應。那么就保持在安全距離之外吧！

If you're not meant to give me what I'm looking forward to. So keep the safe distance away!

80、聰明人都是未婚的，結婚的人很難再聰明起來。

The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.